It has been said too many times that having children ruins your sex life.
Or even that being married for a reasonable number of years does the same thing.
It is generally expected that one’s sex life will wane to nothing or close to nothing.
We’ve been brainwashed into believing that the only kind of sex worth having is ‘red hot’.
In other words orgasm-chasing sex where both partners are ‘successful’ and preferably simultaneous.
How did so many of us get seduced by this nonsense?
We don’t all want a bright red ground-hugging sports car.
We don’t only appreciate art that is bigger – larger – bolder.
We don’t find one Indian meal that we like and think ‘the hotter the better’ and then only want that same meal for the rest of our lives.
We know that there is an abundant range of beautiful colours and subtle flavours.
So why did we start thinking that with sex red is the only colour?
What about a little light-ochre sex with maybe a layer of almost translucent green and a dash of indigo?
For my sixth book Sensation I spent a year learning about what can make sex into good sex.
I’m not interested in anything weird: being whipped – tied up with an intricate series of Japanese knots – having sex with groups of strangers – none of this is my thing.
I wish all consenting adults joy but I’m interested in good sexual experience in the context of a long-term monogamous relationship.