I find myself genuinely for the first time contemplating Donald Trump’s bell end – rather than as a bellend – an important distinction.
Never mind the trade war with China – the looming conflict with Iran or the stresses inside Nato: the Big Story is that the presidential meat and two veg have been disparaged in a memoir by Stormy Daniels – who claims to have had an affair with the president – if the encounter(s) can be dignified with such a term.
I can’t put it better than Stormy does (in any sense): ‘He knows he has an unusual penis.
It has a huge mushroom head.
Like a toadstool.
I lay there – annoyed that that I was getting f**ked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart’.
She adds that it all added up to the ‘least impressive sex I have ever had’ but is less clear on why.
Trump’s todger is said to be ‘smaller than average’ but “not freakishly small”.
Now we know full well that this will not stand so to speak.
Such is Trump’s egotism that his wedding tackle will have to be defended – with all means at his disposal.
Maybe he’ll whip it out at one of those rallies for his ‘deplorable’ supporters in West Virginia or somewhere.
That’d certainly distract attention from Robert Mueller’s much less impressive probe I’m sure – and make Donald’s c**k great again.