(the good and the bad – in no particular order/ranking..but starting at the top:)
the watch-me-shoot-my-foot-again-award: simon bridges – you know why..!
the denial-of-overwhelming-realities-award: bridges again – for despite whichever shit-storm is teeming down upon him – he shakes his head/whatever out of his eyes – and says: ‘look..! oi think oim doing really really well..! and so do my caw-cuss..!’
mother-of-the-nation-award: jacinda ardern – no contest..!
coalition-minister-most-worthy-of-respect-award: andrew little gets that – with two barrels – the first for his standing aside for j.ardern – i can’t think of a more civilised/well-thought-out political action in the history of new zealand – the other for his performance as minister..
shame-she-is-in-nz first-award: tracey martin – she would make a great labour party minister..one with real power – and she is a refreshing contrast to the mainly lushes/soaks/braying-idiots/prancing-heteronormative-dickheads that make up the rest of nz first..(take a bow..!..shane jones..!)
the i’m-a-tough-half-maori-half-dalmation-from-kaitaia award: shane jones again – he constantly reminds us of that fact – usually as a prelude to spouting even more complete and utter shite..
fake-green/bullshit-on-a-stick-award: it’s shared by all those green party mp’s/’environmental-activists who eat animals – they really are putting the hyp(e) in hypocrite..(with a special shout-out to head of greenpeace russell norman..)
stumbling-idiot-opposition-mp-award: tory simeon brown – no contest..!
the i-used-to-be-a-killer-for-hire-award: mark mitchell – who else..?
the bloody-horis!-award: don brash – for his (involuntary) services in the promotion of te reo – he moaned/whined about a couple of words on morning report – and has been rewarded by guyon espiner (serially) showing-off..
the media-neoliberal-hold-out-bunker-award a.k.a the-trump-lite-award: those clowns on that tv3 breakfast show – i’ve forgotten their names..
the tory-stalking-horse-party-award: the top party – planning a reprisal of their party-trick from last election..?…pretending to be ‘progressive’ but planning all along to prop up the tories for a 4th term (shudder..!..we had a close call there) – will we/top-voters get fooled again..?
the excuse-me-i-have-to-kiss-a-dairy-farmers’-hairy-arse-award: green party co-leader (male division) – he does so much of it..
the maxwell-smart/boofhead-spook-award: gerry brownlee..(a late finallist..) – for thinking it is a good idea for the state to spy on people they find ‘troubling’..
the we-only-see-animal-cruelty-on-big creatures-in-the-ocean-award: greenpeace – for their resolute ignoring of all land-based animal-slavery..
the w.t.f.!-function-award: greenpeace and green party bbq’s..
the will-someone-shut-those-fucks-up-award: the anti-1080 clowns..(and a special mention for totally flushing the reputation of an organisation down the porcelain-pipes…and in such a short period of time..)
the why-the-fuck-does-that-war-criminal-obama-get-so-much-respect-award: barack obama – with his libyan dead albatross hanging from his neck..
the best-thing-in-a-deal-award: the stipulation that cannabis-growers who have done time for growing weed will not be barred from the legal industry – so big ups/much respect to whomever made that happen.
the delayed-gratification/waiting-for-the-man-award: the cannabis reeferendum..why so long to wait..?..i’m hanging out here…!
the neoliberal-incrementalism-award: the early stipulation that med-pot will only be allowed to be used by those with a terminal-illness – who must die within twelve months – ‘cos they are only allowed to use med-pot for 12 months..so there..!..(this is also known as the kafka-award..)
the funniest tory-mp-award: the recently departed chris finlayson..intelligence + dripping sarcasm – he does it well..
the can-you-still-smell-the-tobacco-on-my-breath?-award:..tory m.p./fomer big-tobacco pimp chris bishop – for pretending to ‘care’…about health impacts from smoking cannabis..(!)
the ideologically-bankrupt-party-award: the national party/tories – they got nuthin’ – tax-cuts – more war on the poor/low-paid workers – more cooking the planet – that’s it..!..this iteration of the national party will never see power again – they need a total make-over before that will happen…
best-broadcast-television-award: dunno..!..i haven’t watched any since early in the year – i miss it not a jot…
best-endurable-background-noise-award: radio new zealand is pretty much the default – 95 bfm is pretty good most of the time – but deserves a special mention for the brace of sunday afternoon/evening shows..from jazz thru r&b to country – more good sounds than you can shake a stick at..
best-new-gummint-award: has to be this coalition government – they are dragging the chain on some things (pot-law-reform stands out) but they are doing what needs to be done (sorta..!) – and are certainly better than the clowns they replaced..
best handbag-carrier-award: clarke gayford…
most-depressed-group-in-parliament-award: the national party caucus..(my heart (almost) goes out to them – the pervasive gloom is almost touchable..is palpable..i do hope they all have a box of tissues to hand – i keep expecting them to break into wracked sobs..
the she-coulda/shoulda-bin-a-contender/leader-award: green mp julie ann genter…(just imagine how the guardian would have gone had they both done their baby thing together..?..whoar..!..)..but also because i have been watching genter in parliament for some years – and she impresses with both her intelligence – and the depth of knowledge she brings to her portfolios..the greens are blessed with a number of strong/competent female mp’s..but i really feel that co-leadership mantle should have gone to genter..
best-use-of-common-slang-term-for-vagina-by-a-party-co-leader-award: marama davidson – no contest..! – for her attempted normalising/rehabilitation of cunt…it was an epic-fail..
best-beard-in-parliament-award: ian lees galloway..(this is the only objectifying in these awards..?..no..!..read on..!)
shrinking-tory-m.p.-award: paula (meth-test) bennett..(a.k.a. paula benefit..i understand she hates that name – i encourage its’ wide use..)..one of the w.t.f.!/gobsmackers for me over the last year has been how bennett oversaw/promoted that vile/cruel meth-testing regime/evicting of state house tenants…bennett (the apostate) was the sharp end of the tory war-on-rhe-poor…and as i have reported here – she admitted to me – in a room full of (not paying attention) m.s.m. journalists..in mid-2016..that the testing regime was faulty….yet she just continued those evictions….and she has totally got away with it..the mainstream media have ‘moved on’..this is wrong…
the he-was-just-here-where-the-fuck-has-he-gone?-award: john.j. campbell..tvnz have eaten him/have him locked in a bunker..
best-hair-in-parliament-award: kelvin davies..
best-michael-cullen-impersonation-award: grant robertson..
best-(one-person)-new-zealand-news/commentary-website: whoar.co.nz. – no contest..!
(ed: this is first draft – and will be added to..)