This is a message for hipster dudes – geek chic dudes and urban dads who might be a little soft in the middle but still know they got it because they bought that Father John Misty record this year: Enjoy your beard while you can.Enjoy the ladies who love rubbing their faces on it.Savor those artisanal beard grooming products you’ll get for Christmas this year.Take the time to stroke it lovingly – basking in that feeling of being a mountain man as you peruse the organic kale selection at your local farmer’s market.Because, by this time next year it might all be over for you.That is because Paul Ryan – the speaker of the House of Representatives – has grown a beard.This might seem a small insignificant development to you.But the sad fact is that once a trend goes Republican its days are quickly numbered.Within a very short amount of time – that trend will be associated with the deeply unhip and eschewed by anyone who wants sex with the lights on in their future.And you being one of those people (which is why you grew the beard in the first place if you’re being honest with yourself) will have to shave your luscious and lovingly tended chin pubes off.
If you’re skeptical of this consider the last time the hairy ape look was this fashionable amongst the hipster set: the late ’60s and ‘early 70s.
It was a time for long hair – for beards – for impressive sideburns – all to be worn with your loudest paisley shirts.
It bespoke a wildness and rejection of the short-haired gray flannel suit conformity of the 1950s.
It was like now – a time for folk rock and a rough-hewn sort of sexiness.
And then Republicans started growing thick sideburns and wearing loud patterns.
Granted being conservative they had a more conservative take on the fashion such as Donald Rumsfeld’s Nixon-era sideburns.
Or the dreadful way that patterns that were once ‘hippie’ made their way into the ties of members of the Ford administration.
Is it any surprise that the hip young folks of the city took one look at that – changed their hair and started wearing slim black pants and skinny ties?
It may not seem like it now but Paul Ryan has opened the floodgates.
Conservative men are going to start growing beards en masse.
(ed:..as a local manifestation of this facial-hair-backlash/recoiling from phenomenon..i noticed that andrew little had grown his sideboards down to lower ear-lobe level..
..and knowing i could not go anywhere near where neoliberal/rightwing labour politicians are..i rushed to the bathroom..(nearly sobbing..!..)..and took mine back up to upper-ear-level regions..
..an over-reaction..?..i don’t think so..!
..it felt liberating..!..and nobody could point me out as a little (sartorial)-fanboy..
(i think bill english and andrew little both use the same style-consultant..a guy called ron..from matamata..he has a menswear-store there..it’s a little ripper of a business..it’s called ‘stepping out with ron’..brings a bit of class to the matamata strip-mall..come to think about it..he now has long sideburns too..ew..!..)
..and funny story..!..andrew little met jeremy corbyn a little while back..
..littles’ takeaway from the encounter wasn’t what you might expect..
..y’know..!..how to corral a populist-revolution..?..how to roll back neoliberalism..and maybe help the one in three children in nz living in poverty..?..any advice there jeremy?
..yeah..nah..eh..?..littles’ takeaway was how he (little) told corbyn that if he wanted to be taken seriously as a politician..that he (corbyn..)..should ‘wear a suit’..
(this is little..who by any undertaking limped into the nz labour leadership..and has seriously underwhelmed since then…’advising’ the person who won the british labour leadership by the biggest majority/mandate of a british labour leader..ever..)
..as well as setting a new benchmark for the sartorially-blind leading the sartorially-blind..
..the complete and utter banality of what seems to go on in littles’ head..and his confirmation of his ‘don’t care!’ neoliberal-credentials..
..both chilled the blood..and sent me rushing for the razor..
..and did you hear about littles’ latest example of how out of step/touch he is..how earlier he this week he was in washington..and clearly partaking of far too much of the pentagon kool-ade..
..and instead of pushing a worthy-course..like say a marshall-plan for the middle-east..?
..littles’ solution to/for the syria issue..was to advocate a land-war/invasion..and pledging new zealand troops for the promised carnage..
..then a couple of days later..a seemingly workable peace-plan blueprint for syria is announced/revealed by the major-players in the region..
..thereby making andrews’ war-chants of a few days previously particularly hollow/out-of-step..
..now..how could you possibly take sartorial guidelines/hints from such a man..?..a man who by this latest call to war has confirmed he has a pattern of going the wrong way..and dressed the wrong way..)
..and could someone alert james shaw to this..?..tell him he just has to resist the hairy-face tidal-wave..to hang in for a bit longer..and his pillsbury doughboy look will again be cutting-edge..
..and should andrew little return from his xmas-break all hairy on his face…that day could be sooner than he may now expect/hope..