Trying to live out my upbringing as the perfect wife and mother left me sick – broke and alone.
What if I tried all that I’d been afraid of instead?
Growing up in a mentally ill – violent – addiction-riddled home with Catholicism lurking I was filled with fear.
I never learned to look to myself for an opinion but to monitor the emotions of others to get a sense of how I was doing.
Needless to say this was exhausting and overwhelming.
I didn’t tell anyone about this because I felt guilty and didn’t want anyone to think badly of me.
So for the next 20 years I decided to make up for my mistake by being perfect.
I decided to be a perfect student – wife – teacher – mother – Catholic.
I tried to be nice and above reproach.
But as I pursued all this my world began to shrink – by limiting my activities I could do things more perfectly.
I wanted my house to be clean – my garden to be perfect – my list of things to do completed.